So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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