i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
