Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
