it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
