Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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