In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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