none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
