hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
