You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
