Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
