Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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