whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
