I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
