Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He better not be in your backpack
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
