got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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