We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
