seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's never too late to be topless.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
