she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize