Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
