when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
