Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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