We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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