WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
