I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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