I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
