Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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