I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
