When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
