Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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