my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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