I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
