omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize