don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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