I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
