How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
