Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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