Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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