Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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