Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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