lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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