I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
