So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
