Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
