Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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