I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
