I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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