Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I want is dick and wine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
