Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
