Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
