just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
