She tied me up with her honor cords...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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