Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
