They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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