he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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