Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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