I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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