Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
