so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
