he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
