Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
