Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
