Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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