matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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