the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize