dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
