Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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