i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
