She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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