how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
