She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
