sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
