I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We are two peas in an std pod
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
