Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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