I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
