god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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