Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
