update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
