Are we in a gay sports bar?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
