no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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