I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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