when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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