Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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