Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
