I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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