Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
