Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
