I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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