My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
