I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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