I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
